Lonely Leaders Club – It’s OK to be Lonely!
2023 Clore Fellow Vicky Fung investigates loneliness among leaders in the arts, cultural and creative sectors. Through narrative interviews and music-based inquiry, this provocation reveals how shared listening, empathy and self-compassion can transform leadership isolation into connection and resilience.
INTRODUCTION
Loneliness is a subjective yet a common human experience. I have always been intrigued by the concept of loneliness. This curiosity stems from a personal experience – I always feel lonely. I wonder why this is, and it makes me wonder if and how other people feel lonely. At the first Clore residential back in September 2023, I was much struck by a speaker sharing the loneliness he felt in his leadership role. It got me thinking whether leaders might feel similar or different feelings of loneliness. I wonder if loneliness is relational or situational? I develop questions such as: do I feel lonely or more lonely because of who I am, or my identity as a leader? In this provocation, I would like to explore the subject of loneliness in leaders in the art, cultural and creative sector.
What do I want to learn about loneliness in leaders?
Lots of research has been done on the topic of loneliness. Increasing attention is being paid to loneliness, due to improved understanding of the impacts it has on individuals and communities. The British Government has recently appointed a Minister of Loneliness to address it as a pressing issue.[1] In a leadership context, the findings generally suggest that loneliness in leaders is not an isolated issue but rather one that affects a significant proportion of leaders. Many studies highlight the potential impact of loneliness on leadership effectiveness and organisational outcomes. Existing literature about the subject usually revolves around characteristics of leadership which lead to loneliness and strategies to address loneliness for leaders.[2]
However, I would like to explore the subjective experiences of loneliness from the point of view of leaders in art, culture and creative sector. I set out to conduct basic research in the form of narrative and arts-based inquiry, to explore leaders’ moments of loneliness and how these experiences may have shaped their leadership practices. As a music producer and a curator of music experiences, I would also like to find out if there are certain types of music that a person who is in the state of loneliness might listen to and be inspired further by the findings.
At the start of planning for this provocation, I wanted to present the findings of my research by writing a song in response to it. The intention was to blend my own feelings of loneliness with an interpretation of the findings. The aim was to create a song which could explore loneliness in leaders as both a sign and a tool of support, and an opportunity to ask questions of myself – would the creation of such song be a way to counter my feeling of loneliness? However, as I progressed, I decided to change course. This paper is reflective of the development process. It reflects the transformation in the way I feel and think about my relation with loneliness, puts forward suggestions on creating and sharing a common space for loneliness among those who feel lonely, and think about what it might mean for art, cultural and creative leaders.
Definition of loneliness
Loneliness is a word for which various definitions or meanings could be found. Loneliness has been defined as “the unpleasant experience that occurs when a person’s network of social relations is deficient in some important way, either quantitatively or qualitatively”.[3] Although research on generalised loneliness has been going on for decades,[4] scholars have not yet agreed upon a clear definition of loneliness.[5] In a recent paper specifically about leadership loneliness, the authors took a more integrated view and defined leader loneliness as “an unpleasant feeling of perceiving disconnectedness due to a discrepancy between desired and achieved work relationships that are appraised as important in the leadership process”.[6]
Measurement of Loneliness
Measures of loneliness have been developed over the years. The most widely used measure of loneliness is the UCLA Loneliness Scale. The original 20-item version was published in 1978[7], and it has been revised several times including in 1980[8] and 1996.[9] There have been inconsistencies in conceptualization and empirical studies of loneliness, especially in leadership contexts.[10] Moreover, for the purpose of my provocation, I am not interested in quantifying loneliness. Rather than adopting any loneliness scale, I collected data through interviews and a qualitatively-oriented questionnaire from research participants to share their Leadership Profile and Loneliness Profile respectively, providing the basis for my inquiry.
Leadership Profile
In generating leadership profiles for the purpose of my research, I asked the following questions: the degree to which they identify themselves as leaders in art cultural or creative sector; their fields of practice and/or their roles; whether they identify as leaders based on holding of a position of formal authority in a hierarchical organisation or their influence of a group towards achievement of a goal; age; gender; size of team under their leadership; and whether they are full-time, part-time employed or self-employed or freelance.
Loneliness Profile
There are two parts to the leader loneliness profile. The first is about the participants’ feelings, experiences and relations to their version of loneliness as leaders. The second is an art-based enquiry to collect information on the type of music and sounds that may be associated with their feelings of or responses to loneliness.
In the first part, the following questions were asked: the degree to which they relate to loneliness as a state or feeling as leader; a list of words that the participants are asked to choose from that resonate with their relations to loneliness as leader, (solitude, belonging, distance, pressure, confidence, well-being, power/authority, responsibility/expectation, alignment of goal/vision, and support); elaboration on their choices in their own words; what they would do or have done in terms of leadership styles to respond to the state or situation of loneliness identified; whether they agree that the concept of leadership loneliness is different from that in personal context.
In the arts-based enquiry, I asked the participants what kind of music and sounds they would listen to when they experience loneliness, and to be as specific as they could with the choice of music, for example, any particular genre, song or version etc., and to explain their answers. I also ask whether listening to the selected music or sound might help to express or address their feeling of loneliness.
Welcome to the Lonely Leaders Club!
If the questionnaire were an application to an imaginary Lonely Leaders Clubthere would be 40 members attending the opening party. The members came from a wide variety of backgrounds in the arts, culture and creative sector, including theatre director, director/head of music charity, arts engagement, foundation or heritage site, multi-disciplinary artist, museum consultant, choreographer, exhibition or performing arts curator, documentary director, writer, facilitator, producer, designer, music/art educator, musician and performer, etc. Approximately half of them are based in the UK or otherwise internationally (including the current cohort of Clore fellows) and the other half are based in Hong Kong. Approximately 55% of participants identify as female, 44% male, and one as non-binary. 55% of the participants lead teams of 1-10 people; 12% lead teams of 11-25 people; 7.5% lead teams of over 100 people; 5% lead teams of 50-100 people and only 1 of them leads a team of 25-50 people. Approximately 47.5% are in full-time employment, 55.5% are self-employed or freelancing, with the remaining 7.5% in part-time employment.
It is interesting that given the wide spectrum of backgrounds, and the more or less even spreads of gender, team size and status of employment, approximately 70% of the participants would agree or strongly agree that they relate to the state or feeling of loneliness as a leader. Among the different words which the questionnaire offers for selection to relate to their leadership loneliness, most participants choose a number of words which support the concept of loneliness as a multidimensional construct with “responsibility/expectation” being the factor which 87.5% of participants relate to, “pressure” chosen by 67.5% and “alignment of goal/vision” being third ranking at 55.5%. In addition, 70% of the participants also agree that the concept of loneliness in a leadership context is different from in personal context.
Leaders’ Loneliness – The Playlists
Apart from data relating to leadership and leader loneliness profiles, through the questionnaire, I have gathered different perspectives and narratives of loneliness in art and cultural leaders. This may serve as information for further research, potentially presenting them in the form of exhibition, installation or performance. However, for the purpose of this paper, I have curated two playlists based on the selection of music by the participants in response to the question of what type of music they listen to when they experience loneliness. 75% of the participants think that listening to the music as chosen by them either helps to express their feeling of loneliness, or helps to address their feeling of loneliness, or both.
Lonely Leaders Club – It’s OK to be lonely (Vol. 1)
Lonely Leaders Club – It’s OK to be lonely! (Vol. 2)
Vol. 1 and Vol. 2 of the Playlists correspond to music selection by participants whose practices are mainly based in the UK and Hong Kong respectively. It is definitely not the only way to present the playlists but it is an interesting way to present the findings. Although different individuals had their own preferences, when collectively viewed, the songs tend to either bring comfort feelings and from childhood or youth, have soothing or calming tones which create space for thinking, or be upbeat or with grooves which release stress, uplift the spirit or boost mood, as elaborated by the participants.
Transformation of my loneliness experience
While the observations are interesting and have already triggered more ideas for future arts-based research, what I have got most out of the process are the reflections on my own loneliness experience. At the beginning of this work and in the course of research, I initially set out to do this provocation out of intrigue, and wanted to use my perspectives to interpret what other people’s loneliness might sound like. However, towards the end of the research, and while I was thinking about the collected data and especially the selection of music by the participants, I noticed that something in me had changed. When consolidating the playlists, I felt that I had tapped into other people’s loneliness and was somehow sharing the space where they would let their loneliness sit. By linking up their individual selection of music into a playlist, the result was passive co-creation of a common space of loneliness where I could feel other people’s presence, with the perspectives, emotions and conversations they were collectively but unintentionally creating.
This process of non-invasive tapping into other people’s loneliness through listening to their choice of music somehow made me feel less lonely. It also gave me the space to think about my own loneliness –I realised that it was me who initiated and enabled my own sense of loneliness. This is not to say I am not entitled to feel lonely. But the impact is for me to understand that I have the power to shape that space, too, if I give myself permission. It is not just about me anymore. It was at that point that I believed the most appropriate way to present this provocation is by way of the playlists themselves and not an attempt by me to write a song about other people’s loneliness. There was a humbling effect on me, in the sense that I felt that it was already good enough for me to open up the space for loneliness to be shared, and there was no need to force my own perspectives into other people’s space.
An interesting point for me is that although I decided not to create a song to respond to it, I also had room for my creativity to sneak into the process. Quite a few participants picked a certain genre or artist or tone of music without naming exact song titles or versions of the music. So I would have to exercise some of my own judgement in the curation process when selecting specific works from a particular genre or artist. And the sequencing of the songs/music on the playlists also provided me with a creative challenge, to bring together seemingly very different styles of music into a listening experience for the audience.
IT’S OK TO BE LONELY
The most important but unexpected learning from this provocation piece is the power of empathy and compassion. By unintentionally creating a common space for sharing loneliness, which enabled me to have a glimpse into other people’s feelings towards loneliness, it has made me feel less lonely and I make less demand of myself to counter the feeling. Both empathy for others and compassion for myself have worked hand in hand to bring about the transformation.
The starting point was to look into loneliness in leaders in the arts, culture and creative sector. While this might potentially serve as one of the many pieces of research, the inspiration for me – as someone who identifies as an art and cultural leader – is how we as leaders could help bring in or create more space for empathy for others around us, including our teams, our working partners, our families and friends, our communities – those who are shaping us as human beings – and compassion for ourselves as individuals who have our own needs. When we are empowered, and believe what we offer is contributing something positive, we can do more together.
Welcome to the lonely leaders club! It’s ok to be lonely…
And we are in this together!
References:
[1] BBC News (2018), Minister for loneliness appointed to continue Jo Coyle work.
[2] https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/loneliness-leadership-adam-kielczyk/
[3] Perlman, Peplau (1981). Toward a social psychology of loneliness. In S. W. Duck & R. Gilmour (Eds), Personal Relationships in Disorder (p. 31). London: Academic Press.
[4] In 1959, Fromm-Reichmann (1959), a pioneering psychiatrist, raised the need for a rigorous, scientific definition of loneliness.
[5] Mijuskovic, B. L. (2012). Loneliness in Philosophy, Psychology and Literature.
[6] Lam, H., Giessner, S. R., Shemla, M., & Werner, M. D. (2024). Leader and leadership loneliness: A review-based critique and path to future research. The Leadership Quarterly, 101780.
[7] Russell, Peplau, Ferguson (1978) Developing a Measure of Loneliness. In Journal of Personality Assessment. 42(3): 290-4.
[8] Russell, Peplau, Cutrona (1980). The Revised UCLA Loneliness Scale: Concurrent and discriminate validity evidence. In Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 39(3): 472-480.
[9] Russell, Peplau, Cutrona (1996). UCLA Loneliness Scale (Version 3): Reliability, Validity, and Factor Structure. In Journal of Personality Assessment. 66(1): 20-40.
[10] Lam, H., Giessner, S. R., Shemla, M., & Werner, M. D. (2024).
Sources:
BBC News (2018), Minister for loneliness appointed to continue Jo Coyle work.
Cacioppo, J. T., & Cacioppo, S. (2018). Loneliness in the modern age: An evolutionary theory of loneliness (ETL). Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 58. 127-197.
Fromm-Reichmann, F. (1959). Loneliness. Psychiatry: Journal for the Study of Interpersonal Processes, 22, 1-15.
Hays, DiMatteo (1987). A Short-Form of Measure of Loneliness. In Journal of Personality Assessment. 51(1): 69-81
Lam, H., Darouei, M.m & Dennerlein, T. (2022). Workplace Loneliness: Consolidation and Validation of a Scale. Academy of Management Annual Meeting Proceedings, 2022(1).
Lam, H., Giessner, S. R., Shemla, M., & Werner, M. D. (2024). Leader and leadership loneliness: A review-based critique and path to future research. The Leadership Quarterly, 101780.
Mijuskovic, B. L. (2012). Loneliness in Philosophy, Psychology and Literature.
Perlman, Peplau (1981). Toward a social psychology of loneliness. In S. W. Duck & R. Gilmour (Eds), Personal Relationships in Disorder (p. 31). London: Academic Press.
Russell, Peplau, Ferguson (1978) Developing a Measure of Loneliness. In Journal of Personality Assessment. 42(3): 290-4.
Russell, Peplau, Cutrona (1980). The Revised UCLA Loneliness Scale: Concurrent and discriminate validity evidence. In Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 39(3): 472-480.
Russell, Peplau, Cutrona (1996). UCLA Loneliness Scale (Version 3): Reliability, Validity, and Factor Structure. In Journal of Personality Assessment. 66(1): 20-40.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/loneliness-leadership-adam-kielczyk
About the Author:
An artist with multi-facted experience as songwriter, lyricist, singer-songwriter, founder of live house and music label, and an active producer and curator, Vicky Fung has always endeavoured to promote Hong Kong’s music culture.
Vicky believes that the power and value of music lies beyond the limits set by art or commerce. In 2018, Vicky co-founded a social enterprise, Every Life Is A Song, with a vision to support young creatives and the community to bring awareness of social concerns through music.
Vicky is a 2023/24 Hong Kong Fellow on the Clore Leadership Programme, where she explored different topics of interest with a focus on how to further develop her multiple practices to bring out values of transformation, care and circularity, and extend them in cross-cultural and cross-border settings, mindful of the importance of equality, diversity, inclusion and belonging.
Themes Practices of Self Care Leadership Styles Qualities of Leadership
